It's coming... o v e r y o u r h e a d . . .

Crawling through technology, life and love

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Pool Paradise - GC on Wii

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All 24 25 Tintin books

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troubled diva

Books recently read:
Time Out Guide to Havana (and Cuba)
And The Hippos Were Boiled In Their Tanks - William S Burroughs and Jack Kerouac
At My Mother's Knee ... and Other Low Joints: The Autobiography - Paul O'Grady
Star Maker - Olaf Stapledon
My Booky Wook - Russell Brand
When You Are Engulfed in Flames - David Sedaris
Then We Come To The End - Joshua Ferris
A Spot of Bother - Mark Haddon
The End of Mr. Y - Scarlett Thomas
I Never Knew That About London - Christopher Winn
The Arsenal Miscellany - Adam Gold
Young Hearts Run Free: The Real Story of the 1970s - Dave Haslam
Magical Thinking - Augusten Burroughs
Veronika Decides To Die - Paulo Coelho
Time Out Guide - Amsterdam
Lillian's Story - Kate Grenville
The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins
Schott's Original Miscellany - Ben Schott
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J K Rowling
A Gay History Of Britain - Matt Cook
Time Out Guide to Madrid
Time Out Guide to New York
Kingdom Come - J. G. Ballard
The Hours - Michael Cunningham
Mutants - Aramand Marie Leroi
A Young Man's Passage - Julian Clary
Growing Pains - Billie Piper
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Wild Swans - Jung Chang
Highbury: The Story of Arsenal N.5 - Jon Spurling
Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins - Rupert Everett
Affinity - Sarah Waters
Lighthousekeeping - Jeanette Winterson
Tipping The Velvet - Sarah Waters
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Of Human Bondage - W Somerset Maugham
Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
Lucky Man - Michael J Fox
Labyrinth - Kate Mosse
Fingersmith - Sarah Waters
The Night Watch - Sarah Waters
The Pedant's Revolt - Andrea Barham
The Republic Of Trees - Sam Taylor
Written On tbe Body - Jeanette Winterson
Untold Stories - Alan Bennett
The Plot Against America - Philip Roth
Read All About It - Max Clifford
The Folding Star - Alan Hollinghurst
Thursbitch - Alan Garner
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim - David Sedaris
Staying Alive - Matt Beaumont
The Bookseller Of Kabul - Asne Seierstad
Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince - J K Rowling
A Short History Of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
Count Karlstein - Philip Pullman
The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Spell - Alan Hollinghurst
The Double Life Of Daniel Glick - Maurice Caldera
The Smoking Diaries - Simon Gray
Straight- Boy George
Digital Fortress - Dan Brown
Deception Point - Dan Brown
The Ladies No. 1 Detective Agency - Alexander McCall Smith
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown
Sydney - Time Out Guide
Oryx and Crake - Margaret Atwood
Eleanor Rigby - Douglas Coupland
The Scarecrow and His Servant - Philip Pullman
Tha Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
Planet Simpson - Chris Turner
The Line Of Beauty - Alan Hollinghurst
Barcelona - Time Out Guide
The Closed Circle - Jonathan Coe
The Clerkenwell Tales - Peter Ackroyd
Copenhagen - TimeOut Guide
The Butterfly Tattoo - Philip Pullman
The Broken Bridge - Philip Pullman
In Search of the Pleasure Palace - Marc Almond
Brick Lane - Monica Ali
Vernon God Little - DBC Pierre
Last Exit To Brooklyn - Hubert Selby Jr
You Shall Know Our Velocity - Dave Eggers
Touching The Void - Joe Simpson
Life Of Pi - Yann Martel
Istanbul - Time Out Guide
Millennium People - J G Ballard
The Duchess Who Wouldn't Sit Down - Jesse Browner
Hey Nostradamus! - Douglas Coupland
Eats, Shoots and Leaves - Lynne Truss
The Wind-up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami
Our Man In Havana - Graham Greene
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon
Lyra's Oxford - Philip Pullman
Doran - Will Self
Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
the book, the film, the t-shirt - matt beaumont
High Society - Ben Elton
Man And Wife - Tony Parsons
I Was A Rat - Philip Pullman
Harry Potter: The Order of the Phoenix - J R Rowling
Great Apes - Will Self
Barrel Fever - David Sedaris
Round Ireland With A Fridge - Tony Hawkes
Close Range - Annie Proux
The Third Way - Anthony Giddens
dot.con - John Cassidy
The Salmon of Doubt - Douglas Adams
One Hit Wonderland - Tony Hawkes
The Thief Lord - Cornelia Funke
The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen
The Cloud Sketcher - Richard Rayner
Keane: the Autobiography - Roy Keane
A Wasteland of Strangers - Bill Pronzini
The English - Jeremy Paxman
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - Toby Young
Dead Famous - Ben Elton
The Amber Spyglass - Phillip Pullman (again)
The Subtle Knife - Phillip Pullman (again)
Northern Lights - Phillip Pullman (again)
The Bear and The Dragon - Tom Clancy
101 Reykjavik - Hallgrimur Helgason
Forward The Foundation - Isaac Asimov
Carter Beats The Devil - Glen David Gold
The Tin Princess - Philip Pullman
Atonement - Ian McEwan
The Tiger In The Well - Philip Pullman
The Rotters Club - Jonathan Coe
Generation X - Douglas Copeland
Perfume - Patrick Suskind
All Families Are Psychotic - Douglas Coupland
The Shadow In The North - Phillip Pullman
No Logon - Naomi Klein
The Dirt - Motley Crue
Miss Wyoming - Douglas Coupland
The Amber Spyglass - Phillip Pullman
The Subtle Knife - Phillip Pullman
Northern Lights - Phillip Pullman
The Ruby in the Smoke - Phillip Pullman
The Sandman - Miles Gibson
Blood and Gold: The Vampire Marius - Anne Rice
The Actrocity Exhibition - J G Ballard
Shameless - Paul Burston
Sing Out! - Boze Hadleigh
Brilliant Orange - David Winner
New Boy - William Sutcliffe
London - Peter Ackroyd
Wonder Boys - Michael Chabon
One For My Baby - Tony Parsons
How To Be Good - Nick Hornby
White Teeth - Zadie Smith
Lust - Geoff Ryman
Tulip Fever - Deborah Moggach
Dead Souls - Ian Rankin
The House Of Sleep - Jonathan Coe
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
What a carve up! - Jonathan Coe
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon
The Grapes Of Wrath - John Steinbeck
Heartwood - James Lee Burke
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson
Man and Boy - Tony Parsons
The Map Of Love - Ahdaf Soueif
e - Matt Beaumont
The e Before Christmas - Matt Beaumont


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Friday, September 29, 2006

Nazis Invade the West End...

Not long ago I went to see the Mel Brooks musical The Producers at the London Palladium Theatre Royal Dury Lane - there are Nazis in that. Then last week I went to see Bent at the Trafalgar Studios - there are Nazis in that too. This last Wednesday I went to see Cabaret at the Lyric Shaftsbury Avenue - more Nazis. And in November I'm going to see The Sound Of Music also at the London Palladium... Nazis galore! It's an invasion I tells ya!

Train Vs Grain...

Watch where you are going: Train vs Grain Truck

Thursday, September 28, 2006


Last night Stuart, Roger, Kevin and I went to the Lyric Theatre, Shaftsbury Avenue to see Cabaret. And what a show! It's laugh out loud funny, sexy and chic.

"Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome, im Kabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret!"

Kander and Ebb's remarkable musical turns the pre-war Berlin of 1931 into a dark and sexually charged haven of decadence, its extraordinary and morally ambiguous inhabitants determined to keep up appearances as the real world - the world outside the comfortable sanctuary of the cabaret - prepares for the nightmarish chaos of war. It says here.

Anna Maxwell Martin plays Sally Bowles - you may remember her from His Dark Materials at the National or from Dr Who last year. James Dreyfus (Gimme, Gimme, Gimme) plays the Emcee and Sheila Hancock plays Fraulein Schneider. And despite not being brilliant singers they manage admirably and act their little socks off. The dancing troupe are Bob Fosse standard and convey the throbbing sexuality of the Kit Kat Club to a tee.

And I mustn't ignore a certain stand out facet of the production. Something that would have people reaching for their opera glasses (should we have them). The nudity. Full-frontal men and women - and oh boy are those boys well hung! Don't get me wrong. It wasn't gratuitous in any way. All in the best possible taste. And in fact used rather poignantly at the end.

So my advice is: Go see.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Lost Season Two Finale...

**No spoilers**
When I got back from the footie last night I watched the Lost season two finale double-header. I've been watching the entire series two and was rather more impressed than season one. It was a bit of a slow start for the first half a dozen episodes but soon picked up with some fabby back stories.

The finale was suitable enigmatic without being quite as frustrating at the season one finale which left me shouting at the telly.

Arsenal 2-0 FC Porto...

It was a fine way to celebrate my birthday at the Emirates Stadium last night. A 50th European goal by Henry and a good win for the Gunners put us in command of Champions League Group G.

On a more sartorial note I was sporting some rather dapper reversible millinery that Paul had bought me which attracted some admiring, not to say envious, glances and whistles from Block 125. Either that or they were taking the piss.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Forty-Five Club......

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me-e
Happy Birthday to me!

I share a birthday with a number of 'famous' people. Many of whom I have never heard of. But the ones that always stick in my mind are generally from the world of entertainment: Linda Hamilton, Julie London, George Gershwin, T S Eliot, Winnie Mandela (er, OK, not really in the 'entertainment' camp - more tyre-burning perhaps), Anne Robinson and Will Self (who was born on the exact same day I was).

Closer to my heart though are two particular people who I greatly admire and who I am proud to say I was born on the same day as them both. And they are Bryan Ferry (I have always been a big Roxy Music fan) and the ever youthful Olivia Newton-John. Hopelessly devoted to them both.

Marva Whitney...

Last night Stuart, Darren and I went to see soul legend Marva Whitney at the Jazz Cafe in London's glitzy Camden.

She was shit.

Monday, September 25, 2006


On Saturday night Stu and I went to see the delicious Alan Cumming in Bent at the Trafalgar Studios in Whitehall.

It was a great production, brilliantly acted and very moving. Set in Nazi Germany in the 1930s it tells the story of how a gay Berliner party animal gets arrested for simply being gay and is sent to a concentration camp. It's a harrowing tale of what people will do to survive under appalling circumstances although it's not a story without it's humour. Well worth enduring the heat in the theatre.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Arsenal 3-0 Sheffield United...

Thank God for that. A home win in our new stadium at last and still a game in hand. Paul and I had a great time on Saturday finding a pub we're happy with before and after the game and a few new friends to chat to.

Friday, September 22, 2006

All Metal Gearing...

I've been lusting after something for months. Something that will give me hours of fun in the privacy of my own home. And today I've finally given in to temptation. It's my day off so I'm going up to the seedier part of Holloway Road to make my purchase. I'm looking forward to a day of heavy duty hammering and screwing.

DIY Porn...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dancing In The Streets...

Last night I took Stu to see Dancing In The Streets at the Playhouse Theatre in London glitzy West End.

We'd been meaning to do to the show, now in it's "2nd sensational year", for a while and it lived up to all our expectations. It was slick, energetic and thoroughly modest in it's aspirations. It simply had a cast of a dozen singers taking it in turns to dress up and sing Motown classics (Marvelettes, Supremes, Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye, Four Tops, Temptations etc.) A sort of Stars In Your Motown Eyes. We clapped. We sang. We were dancing in the seats. Great fun.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


Loving the new Scissor Sisters album Ta-dah. I might even go as far as to say it's better than their first album. Oh and by the way, there is a limited edition of Ta-Dah with an extra second CD called Ta-Dah! [Limited Edition] (love that extra "!") that's worth getting. (And just to be confusing the import version of the album also has that extra "!" too so make sure you get the limited edition with the extra CD)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Cork: In Pictures...

Full set of picture can be seen by clicking here. Alternatively a slideshow can be seen here.

To see bigger version of any of the pictures below just click on them.

Monday, September 18, 2006


This weekend Stuart took me away to Cork as a surprise. Friday night check-in at Stansted is horrendous at the best of times. But the massive queues at check-in, Ryanair wanting to charge us for our hand luggage and the massive queues at security conspired to make it a fresh Hell. Luckily we meet up with the delightful Judith and Gavin who were also coming away with us so we had a shoulder to cry on. Life being such that it is our flight was delayed anyway so we had a crafty pint to steady our nerves.

The flight was a manual one to the inevitable 'crash landing' at Cork put me in a foul mood. Luckily by the time Helen had picked us up I was as right as rain. Helen was as charming as Stuart had said she would be and she chatted away as she drove us to Clodagh and Colin where they made us feel very welcome. Clodagh was quite the Irish beauty and had prepared eats and we all ate pizza and stayed up to the early morning drinking, laughing and listening to stories.

Saturday came and Clodagh had planned surfing lessons for us. We donned wet suits, grabbed our boards and headed for the surprisingly un-icy Atlantic ocean. And what fun it was? We laughed and surfed and tried to stand up. Stu was quite the star getting vertical three or four times. Even I managed a wobbly erection or two. Exhausted but happy we headed home to shower and then off to The Ivory Tower for a five course four hour banquet. Yummy food but boy was I knackered by the end of it.

Sunday was bright and sunny and we seven set off for Blarney. Stone kissing being the order of the day we actually had a lot of fun climbing Blarney castle and seeing the Oirish theme pack that was Blarney Castle grounds. Druids Cave anyone? Witches Kitchen perhaps?

A few beers and sandwiches later we were ready for the airport. We said our fond farewells, got my key chain confiscated by security bitch from Hell and got on our flight happy, sated and smiling.

It had been a fantastic weekend. Full of generosity, laughter and kindness. A big thank you to Clodagh, Colin, Helen, Judith and Gavin for making it so special and me feel so welcome. And thank you Stu for asking me.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Tickling But Were Afraid to Ask...

[This entry is dedicated to Stuart]

Have you ever been tickled? Most probably the answer is 'yes'. As every child knows, tickling is the act of touching a part of the body so as to cause involuntary laughter. Belive it or not the subject of tickling has intrigued philosophers since antiquity. Even those old blokes Plato and Aristotle speculated about tickling and its purpose. "Tickle" incidentally is derived from the Old English word tinclian meaning "to touch lightly". Missus.

None other than Charles Darwin was the first scientist to seriously analyse this most peculiar human behaviour. In The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872) Darwin described in detail the involuntary spasms tickling triggers in babies, children, adults, and non-human primates. He concluded that tickling was an ingredient in forming and keeping social bonds. Such bonding occurs through stimulating each other to laugh and feel merry. This is particularly true for parents and children. And me and the boyfriend.

Darwin noted that the key to success in tickling is that "the precise point to be tickled must not be known" to the person being tickled. Thus, it is surprise rather than tactile pressure that is a key ingredient in tickling. Oh, how very true, Charles.

Subsequent laboratory experiments have found that in people who are extremely suggestible, the threat of being tickled without laying a finger on them is enough to induce hysterics. This is as effective with adults as with children and provides a clue to the fact that tickling is not merely a physical sensation as Darwin theorised.

Apart from Darwin's social bond theory for the importance of tickling, there is a simpler theory. The sensation felt when being tickled is similar to the one felt when insects crawl on the body. The tickle response may be a protective warning device against the stings and bites of harmful insects.

Interesting facts:

* It is unknown why certain areas of the body are more ticklish than others.
* Men and women are just as "ticklish". But a few studies suggest that, if either, men may be slightly more ticklish than women.
* You cannot tickle yourself. If you try, you will not succeed since there is no surprise or lack of control in the stimulation. But a few studies dispute this as well.
* 85 per cent of adults in some way or another enjoy being tickled, tickling others, or watching others being tickled.
* Tickling was used as a torture by the ancient Romans.
* Tickling is used in sexual fetishism where it is known as "tickle torture".
* Research by Dr Sarah-Jayne Blakemore of the Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience in London found that robotic arms used to tickle people are just as effective as human arms.
* Research by Dr D S Bennett of the Integrative Treatment Centres in Denver established that the tickling response is well established by four months of age.
* Research headed by Dr M Blagrove from the University of Wales in Swansea shows that the normal tickling response may be absent in those with schizophrenia.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The Woman In Black...

Last night Stuart and I went to see The Woman In Black at the Fortune Theatre. The show has been running for 18 years and is billed at 'nerve-shedding'. Well, I wouldn't quite go that far but it is good fun. In an Edgar Alan Poe kind of a way.

The play is a two-hander (mostly) that tells the story of a certain Arthur Kipps, a junior solicitor, who is ordered by his firm's senior partner to travel up from London to attend a funeral and then sort out all the papers of the recently deceased Alice Drablow. We have an isolated location, tragic secrets, ghostly figures, uneasy locals and a big deserted house. All the elements of Gothic horror really.

We weren't rally scared by any of it but the production was fun and the effects... well.. effective. Now if only those two girls sitting behind us hadn't kept screaming so loudly at every plot twist or vocalising their internal voices quite so loudly, "Don't go in there!" "Oh My God! Oh My God!" and then laughing nervously we might have enjoyed it more.

So was the play 'nerve-shedding'? No. But as Bart Simpson would say, maybe people were easier to scare back then.

Brain Teaser Answers...

1. 5

2. What goes up, must come down.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Best Actor Biog Ever...

A check on IMDB shows Ann Sellors only ever appeared in one film. But if you saw the film then you'll remember her. I wonder why she quit - guess she was afraid of getting typecast.

Brain Teasers...

1. If 5 cats can catch 5 rats in 5 minutes, how many cats do you need to catch 100 rats in 100 minutes?

2. What is represented by these letters?


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Mr Bruver...

Orville ...

I have no idea if this story is actually true - but I so hope it is...

"A mate of mine worked for a stage rigging, company - one of his main jobs was looking after aerial safety on Gladiators. In between series he was sent to work at a holiday camp for Keith Harris. The act was supposed to start with him on stage talking to an unseen Orville. The green duck would be whingeing about not being able to fly and would launch into the madly annoying 'I wish I could fly' song which plagued the charts in the 80s. At the climax Orville would be released from the back of the auditorium on a wire to 'fly' over the kids' heads. The job was easy money but Harris turned out to be a complete and utter twat who pissed everyone off. My mate decided to take revenge and one night packed Orville full of stage explosives and a detonator. Half way down the wire cue a loud bang, a shower of green feathers, a room full of traumatised kids and an apoplectic Harris. My mate got fired on the spot, but it was so worth it."

Monday, September 11, 2006


I'm a bit of a late comer to Pedro Almodóvar films having only seen a couple of his earlier ones - before a few days ago that is. On Friday afternoon Guy and I went to see Volver at the Curzon. Fab film. Go see. And on Saturday night Stu and I stayed in and watched Bad Education on DVD - great film too. I just wonder why I've been such a slow coach to get into his films. I've recently bought myself a Pedro Almodóvar box set and so still have Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down, Live Flesh, All About My Mother and Talk To Her to look forward to.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Arsenal 1-1 Middlesborough......

They had just one shot on goal and made it count. We had 25 shots on goal and only made one count. Arg! I went with my brother, Simon, to the game and it was a nice brotherly bonding session all the same. But what a lame start to the season. 17th!

Friday, September 08, 2006


Last night Ian treated me to a trip to the Bloomsbury Theatre to see the last night of Throat.

It was sort of circus, physical theatre, cabaret and dance combined in a witty way. Actor John Paul Zaccarini, suspended above the stage, preens, poses, uses light, flour and water, and moves from vulnerable to cocksure. Great fun.

And we had a good old catch up afterwards which was equally fun.

Jackson Pollock...

Have a bit of fun and paint your own Jackson Pollock.
[Thanks Rog]

Windows Vista 'Upgrade' Options...

Below are the upgrade options for current Windows users wanting to install Windows Vista when it becomes readily available next year. And frankly they're crap. Far too many yellow dots and not enough green. So most people will be expected to backup all their data and applications, do a fresh install on Vista and then reinstall/restore everything? People just won't bother. Don't fumble the ball you idiots! Comes across like a Labour Party leadership contest.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Ibiza 2006: the pictures...

I got back from Ibiza last night. Great time had by all. As you will be able to see from the collection of pictures - some of which have been censored!

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